


Wedding Bells

by Caora



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Multi, Weddings, break ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 07:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5367014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caora/pseuds/Caora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evan felt bad that he was craving hard liquor at his best friends’ wedding, but he couldn’t help it. When he was standing next to Tyler at the alter, watching as Craig was led down the aisle, the couple staring at each other as if there was no one else in the room, all Evan could picture was him and Brock in their shoes. All he could imagine was Brock smiling at him the way Craig was smiling at Tyler with a grin that could split cheeks and melt hearts, and the wedding ring he was keeping safe for the groom was burning a hole in his pocket, and he couldn’t help but wish he had bought one for Brock when he had the chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wedding Bells

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: “it´s my [insert family relation here]´s wedding and seeing all these happy couples is killing me and all i can think about is how this was almost us” AU

The champagne was nice, he supposed. Evan would have preferred something much stronger, but he could live with the champagne until they got to the reception, and was just glad that the limo had any alcohol at all.

He felt bad that he was craving hard liquor at his best friends’ wedding, but he couldn’t help it. When he was standing next to Tyler at the alter, watching as Craig was led down the aisle, the couple staring at each other as if there was no one else in the room, all Evan could picture was him and Brock in their shoes. All he could imagine was Brock smiling at him the way Craig was smiling at Tyler with a grin that could split cheeks and melt hearts, and the wedding ring he was keeping safe for the groom was burning a hole in his pocket, and he couldn’t help but wish he had bought one for Brock when he had the chance.

Once the thought had struck him, it was difficult to shake off, and now he was desperately wanting some kind of alcohol in his hand that would burn his throat and numb everything else so he wouldn’t have to feel this heart break anymore.

It was his own fault. Evan had no one else to blame for their break up but him. He was the one who was cowardly, the one who had chickened out when the subject of marriage and kids first came up, and he couldn’t blame Brock for leaving him when they wanted different things. Brock wanted to get married and have a family, and at the time, Evan was terrified of commitment and everything that came with it, and they broke it off. But now after seeing how happy Tyler and Craig were on their wedding day, he was beginning to have second thoughts, and was beginning to wonder what it was he was so scared of to begin with.

Now as they were all packed into the back of the limo, Evan could only watch the happy couple with a heavy heart as they whispered quietly to one another, soft fond smiles wide and everlasting, too wrapped up in the other’s presence to pay any attention to either of their respective best men. Craig was all but sitting on top of Tyler, one leg swung over his, one of Tyler’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, and they were close enough that Tyler could easily pull him closer to steal soft kisses and peck his cheek with little effort. They whispered sweet nothings in voices too quiet for Evan to hear, but the complete and utter adoration in their eyes told him more than their words ever could.

Neither of them seemed to notice that Evan was downing glass after glass of champagne, to the point that he was already tipsy before they even reached the reception, but he was going to need much more than that if he wanted to get through the night in one piece. He couldn’t stop imagining his and Brock’s could-have-been wedding, couldn’t stop imagining that they were the ones cuddling in the back of a limo instead.

He watched as Craig laid a hand on Tyler’s chest, but all he could picture was Brock touching him like that, and his skin tingled under the weight of a phantom hand. Even weeks later, he could still smell Brock’s aftershave as if he were sitting right next to him, could still remember the taste of his lips and his breath and his tongue as if he’d just kissed him moments before. His sweet laughter echoed in the back of his mind, and the second he was reminded of his bright smile, he downed the rest of his glass in an attempt to dull the ache in his chest.

He should have married him. He should have fought harder to keep him, and he should never have let him go. He should have stayed with him long enough to realise just how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, and Evan just wished that it didn’t take them breaking up and attending their mutual friends’ wedding for him to realise that. He could’ve saved himself a lot of sleepless nights if he had have changed his mind about how he felt about marriage much sooner.

Evan could feel Marcel’s watchful eyes on him as he reached for the bottle to fill his glass back up with more champagne, and even though Evan appreciated the concern, he didn’t particularly want to deal with any worried questions and dutifully ignored him. Marcel wouldn’t understand anyway, not when he had a girlfriend he was very much in love with, and wasn’t stupid enough to let go like Evan was. Marcel couldn’t understand what he was going through, couldn’t empathise with the amount of regret Evan was feeling, and so he didn’t want to hear whatever plastic reassurances he would offer him.

At this point, Evan just wanted to get this night over with so he could go home to wallow in his own self pity in the comfort of his own bed in peace. He wanted to get blind drunk to the point that he couldn’t remember Brock’s name any more, but insisted on staying as sober as possible until he had at least given his best man’s speech, as he loved Tyler and Craig too much to ruin this night for them by drunkenly whining about his problems when he was supposed to be toasting them.

Just because he wasn’t happy, didn’t mean that he had to bring everyone else down to his level, and so when the limo slowed to a halt outside their destination, he forced a smile for their sake.

Even as they climbed out of the dry comfort of the limo and into the pouring rain, Tyler and Craig paid them no heed, and Evan had to wonder why he and Marcel were even there to begin with. Tyler made his way into the hotel with his suit jacket half off and held above both of their heads to keep them as dry as possible, and Craig easily snaked an arm around his waist in return. They moved as a single cohesive unit, eyes glued to each other, barely paying attention to where they were going in favour of laughing to themselves and lightly bumping into each other as they struggled to stay beneath Tyler’s jacket to stay dry. They were sickeningly adorable, and as much as Evan wanted to praise them as such, he couldn’t help but remember all of the times he and Brock had acted like that before they had broken up, and there was a sharp pain in his chest.

God he needed a stiff drink.

Marcel laid a hand on his shoulder as they trailed after them, and Evan would be lying if he said he wasn’t expecting it. “Dude, are you okay?” he asked him quietly, voice filled with concern and worry etched on his face, and he hated how much he was making him worry about him. “You were shotgunning the alcohol pretty hard back there… not that you would get much of a kick from champagne, but still, you don’t usually drink like that...” he frowned.

Evan gave him a weak smile. “I’m fine, Marcel,” he assured him, though it was clear that he was lying through his teeth, and Marcel raised his eyebrow, not believing him even for a second. “Seriously, I’m okay,” he added in an attempt to convince him of that further, but Marcel still didn’t believe the lies rolling off his tongue and merely shook his head.

“Bullshit. What’s going on?” he asked bluntly, pulling Evan off to the side once they had stepped inside the hotel, and Evan sighed as he was dragged off, watching as Tyler and Craig strolled off towards the ballroom without them. Part of him wanted to call for Tyler to rescue him from what was bound to be a difficult conversation, but that would involve admitting that something was wrong and he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to do that yet, especially to Tyler who was on cloud nine and didn’t need him bringing him down. “Is this about them getting married?” Marcel pressed him,  and Evan shook his head as he reluctantly turned to face him. “Then what?”

His gaze drifted up to the ceiling as he debated telling Marcel the truth, unsure if he was willing to talk about it while the wound was still fresh and open. His chest hurt at the mere thought of what had happened between them, and the future with Brock that he’d lost  because he was so immature, but maybe talking about it would help. Maybe opening up about his troubles would lift some of the dead weight off his chest, and he’d be able to breathe easy again.

If he was being honest, he would much rather talk about this with Tyler as he was the one who coached him through his break up when it had first happened and already knew about everything he’d been going through ever since, but Evan was adamant about not ruining his night with his whining, and Marcel was so eager and willing to listen to him.

“I miss Brock,” Evan admitted softly, shoulders sagging and heart dropping, and somehow, he was wrong and it hurt all that much more to admit it out loud. All the emotions he’d been so determined to drown in alcohol were rushing through him, and he swallowed hard in a feeble attempt to keep them from bubbling to the surface. He took slow deep breaths to keep himself together, and to keep himself from cracking when Marcel smiled at him sympathetically and waved him into a hug. His touch was comforting, and Evan tightly wrapped himself around him, allowing Marcel to hold him reassuringly for a moment.

“I don’t blame you, you two were good together,” Marcel told him, feeling Evan tense beneath his touch and realised that was probably not the right thing to say. He gently rubbed his back as he held him before he let him go, not moving far and still keeping his hands on his shoulders as if he were afraid Evan that would break if he left him alone.

“Don’t remind me,” Evan groaned, burying his face in his hands as they sat down in the hotel lobby, Marcel insisting on keeping a gentle hand on his shoulder to console him. He didn’t  _want_  to be reminded that Brock was perfect for him, not when they weren’t together any more and would likely never be again.

“I know it hurts but listen: he wanted marriage and kids, and you didn’t. It never would have worked out between you two, and it would’ve ended it like this sooner or later when Brock got tired of waiting for you to change your mind. It’s better this way,” Marcel pointed out with a frown, and Evan sighed heavily. He knew he wouldn’t understand.

“I did change my mind though,” he muttered, and he missed the look of surprise on Marcel’s face, too busy burying his face into his palms to notice. “I still don’t know about the kids thing, but… but I think I want to spend the rest of my life with him…” He felt another pang in his heart as he admitted that out loud, and groaned and whined again, knowing that he’d fucked everything up immensely. They could have been so happy,  _so happy_ , but instead he’d let Brock walk away from him just because he was too scared to see what would happen if he begged him to stay.

While Evan was chastising himself for letting the best thing that had ever happened to him go, Marcel was frantically waving his arms. “Well fucking tell him that then!” he exclaimed, and Evan glanced back up at him when he heard his hopeful tone. “You two might be able to work your shit out and get back together!”

His words were enough to inspire a little bit of hope in him, and Evan desperately wanted him to be right, but he was quick to swallow those feelings back down with worries and self doubt. He couldn’t allow himself to get his hopes up, not when there was still the chance that Brock might not take him back, that Brock might not  _want_  him back. “I… I don’t know, Marcel... “ he said with a forlorn sigh, glancing back down at his feet. “It’s been weeks since we’ve last talked… what if he’s over me? Hell, what if he’s  _moved on_?”

He bit his lip, not at all liking the thought of Brock falling for someone else, but it was a very real possibility that he couldn’t rule out. After all, Brock was cute and sweet with an a good sense of humour, with an adorable laugh and a cuter smile, and he’s never been able to understand why everyone else didn’t fall instantly in love with him like he did. As much as it would hurt to know that Brock was no longer in love with him, it wouldn’t surprise him in the slightest to find that he’d already found someone else. People as perfect as him didn’t stay single for long.

“Are you fucking serious? Christ, you really haven’t spoken to him in weeks if you really think that’s even remotely true,” Marcel rolled his eyes, and Evan’s head whipped back up to look at him again. “But then again, you’ve always been one dense motherfucker.”

“What do you mean?” Evan asked confused, only growing more confused at Marcel’s exasperated groan.

“ _I mean,_  he’s still  _in love_  with you, dumbass,” Marcel told him bluntly, patting his shoulder as he looked him directly in the eye, soft smile tugging at his lips in spite of his harsher tone, and Evan swears his heart stopped for a second.

“Wh- _what_?!” he spluttered, shocked and confused, heart now beating hard against his ribcage. In spite of his earlier attempts to not get his hopes up, he was slowly growing more optimistic about the possibility that maybe they did have a future together after all, and as much as he wanted to reel himself back in, to quell the sudden burst of hope that was bubbling inside of him, he couldn’t help but grow excited anyway. Nerves and worry that he’d only get his heart broken a second time if he said anything to him were still prickling at his skin, and he felt torn as to what he should do and how he should feel. “Are- are you sure? Like how do you know that?”

“Aside from the fact he told us a few days ago?” Marcel said with a sly grin, and Evan’s heart soared again. “It’s pretty obvious, Evan. Even for people like you who have always been oblivious as fuck when it comes to this kinda shit, it’s still really obvious. He asks about you all the time, and even though he’s trying hard to be subtle and nonchalant about it, you can still tell that he cares about you a whole fucking lot. He misses you, Evan, and you probably didn’t notice this since you were too busy dealing with Tyler and Mini’s shit, but literally every time I looked at him during the rehearsal dinner last night, he was staring at you,” Marcel said, gripping his shoulder, and looking him in the eye to make the next thing he said was understood. “Evan, he’s still in love with you, one hundred percent. I guarantee it. If you’re serious about changing your mind about the marriage thing, then go talk to him and  _win him back_.”

Evan was speechless and didn’t know how to respond to any of that, heart swelling and words lost on his tongue. It didn’t occur to him that maybe Brock was suffering too, as Brock was the one who had ended their relationship, and Evan had hoped that he was happy and was doing well without him. Even if the thought had physically pained him, he had hoped that Brock would have met someone new, someone who could give him everything that he couldn’t and be truly happy and content. But now that he knew that wasn’t the case, he didn’t know how to feel about the truth that Brock was still hung up on him.

On one hand, he wanted Brock to get over him and be happy, but on the other, he was a little glad that he hadn’t, especially if it meant that he still had a chance. If Brock was still in love with him, and they now wanted the same things in life, then maybe they could make a relationship work after all. The reason they had parted was no longer applicable, so maybe they could get back together, and fall head over heels in love all over again.

Brock meant so much to him, and these few weeks without him left him feeling so lonely and lost, as if a part of him had broken off never to be found again. It was in the moments when he lay awake in his much too empty bed, staring up at the ceiling with what felt like a hole in his chest, did he realise just how much he needed him around, just how much he needed his touch and love, and no amount of reassuring pep talks from Tyler would convince him otherwise. It wasn’t until he was standing by the alter earlier that day, watching as Tyler and Craig traded vows and slipped golden rings onto fingers, did he realise the full extent of what that meant for him.

He was head over heels, irrevocably in love with Brock, in much the same way that Tyler was taken with Craig, and he desperately wanted what they had. Evan wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, wanted to wake up every morning with Brock by his side to trade sleepy smiles and tired kisses, whispering soft ‘I love you’s’ beneath the covers. He wanted them to be by each other’s side through thick and thin, ready to hold hands when in need of comfort and support, ready and willing to tackle any obstacle that was thrown in their way. He loved him  _so damn much_ , to the point that he was finding it near impossible to imagine a life where Brock wasn’t by his side, and he wanted him back. He wanted to be his boyfriend again, and no matter how scared he was about having his heart broken again, he still needed to try. His happiness depended on it.

Before Evan had a chance to relay these thoughts to Marcel, Simone poked her head around the corner to tell them that dinner was about to start and they’d be needed to make their respective speeches soon. Marcel called to her that they’d be right there, before turning back to Evan again, eyeing him in concern. “You going to be okay to go in there? Tyler and Mini would understand if you need a minute.”

As much as Evan wanted to spill out his entire heart to Marcel and confide in someone about his newly discovered feelings, he felt that it was much more important for him to be there for his friends on such a special occasion, and nodded his head. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go stuff our faces with free food,” he smiled weakly at him, already locking away his heart and his emotions back into the cage he had just plucked them from.

Marcel shot him another sympathetic smile and clapped him on the shoulder, before getting up off the seats they had settled in and led the way into the ballroom.

They were instantly wrapped up in a cacophony of sound the second they walked through the double doors, mindless chatter and the clinking of cutlery on plates hitting them, and contrasting with the quiet peace of the hotel lobby. The room was packed to the brim with people all sitting at round tables, but none of them seemed to pay them any attention as they walked in, too wrapped up in their appetizers and conversations to take notice.

As they approached their table, Craig managed to tear his attention away from whatever Tyler was telling him long enough to glance up at them. “Where have you two been?” he asked, watching them curiously as they took their assigned seats, Evan next to Tyler and Marcel between Craig and Simone, and Evan tried not to think about the fact that Brock would have been sitting next to him if they had have been still together.

“We were just talking outside, nothing to worry about,” Evan told him with a smile as he reached for the champagne bottle to fill up his glass, sending a quick glance to Marcel as he did so.

While Craig seemed to accept this and willingly let the subject drop, Tyler didn’t and eyed him suspiciously. The forced smile Evan offered did nothing to appease him, and Tyler raised an eyebrow at him and glanced at a nearby table where an unwitting Brock was wedged between Brian and Nogla, in a silent gesture to ask if that’s what they were talking about. Evan both loved and hated just how well he knew him sometimes, and he sighed, reluctantly nodding in confirmation, quietly noting just how good Brock looked in a suit,

“ _Evan_ ,” Tyler groaned in exasperation, already fed up with having the same conversation they seemed to have at least twice a week since the breakup, but before he could unload his usual ‘you’ll get over him one day, Ev’ spiel on him, Marcel changed the subject.

“So when’s the honeymoon?”

With that, Craig was quick to launch into an excited monologue about some tropical beach that Tyler was whisking him away to, and the sight was cute enough to distract Tyler enough that he forgot what he wanted to say. Evan shot Marcel a grateful smile, which Marcel returned, and for the moment, the subject was dropped and temporarily forgotten about it.

After that, the conversation between them remained lighthearted, and Evan was thankful for the distraction (though every now and again, his gaze would drift to Brock, and he’d feel that pang in his chest again, but all he’d have to do was take another sip of champagne, and immerse himself in their conversation, and the pain would be numbed, though just for a little while until he inevitably glanced back at him again. He was so far gone and his heart so constricted, that it was a wonder that he could still breathe in spite of the knot in his chest).

Dinner passed by quickly, and with it came dessert, and soon it was time for him to give his speech. Clinking his fork against his glass, Evan drew the attention of the room towards him as he stood up, heart racing with stage fright as he never was comfortable being the centre of attention like this. His eyes searched the crowd until he found Brock, and for the first time in what felt like forever, their gazes connected.

For a moment, his heart stopped beating, and he swallowed hard. He forgot how pretty his eyes were, and even though they were no longer together and Brock was no longer obligated to calm him down, Evan was still able to find reassurance in his eyes and the encouraging smile Brock had flashed him. He realised that Brock knew he was nervous, as Brock was always able to read him like a book, and his heart swelled at the knowledge that he still cared about him enough to help him even after they had broken up. He kept eye contact with him for a moment, until he had calmed down enough to give his speech, but forced himself to look away and turn back to his audience, knowing he would never be able to remember the words while Brock was looking at him like that. .

"I first met Tyler a few years ago when I sent him a message on YouTube after stumbling across one of his godawful videos,” Evan began, earning himself a few small chuckles and an indignant look from Tyler himself, which helped build up his confidence just a little. “Of course, back then, we were just starting out and looking for someone to play and record games with occasionally. I don't think either of us ever thought we could make careers out of that dumb hobby, or be as close as we are today, and definitely not to the point where you asked me to be the best man at your wedding,” he added, turning to look at Tyler with a soft smile. “Hell, I distinctly remember you telling me that you never thought you'd ever get married because, and I quote, 'what girl would ever want to marry you?' And looking at you two today, I guess you weren't  _totally_  wrong..." Craig laughed at that, lightly bumping into Tyler’s shoulder who smiled at them both.

"But life works in mysterious ways, and we never quite wind up where we expect to. I was convinced I'd be a professional hockey player one day, and now I'm basically the opposite, and you were convinced you'd die alone, and here you are, now married to one of your best friends. Life threw us a few curveballs, but in the end, you ended up exactly where you needed to be, next to the person who you love more than life itself." Evan watched fondly for a moment as Craig and Tyler traded soft, affectionate smiles, but his line of sight was quick to shift back to Brock as he was reminded of who that person was for him.

“For you, that was your best friend, the one person you never expected to fall in love with but did, the one person you never thought you’d want to spend the rest of your life with but do. He’s your soulmate, and I can’t imagine you being as happy with anyone else.” His unwavering gaze was still locked on Brock, who seemed a little confused as to why Evan was staring so intensely at him, but he couldn’t help it. After that talk with Marcel, Evan couldn’t stop thinking about him, and his feelings for him were beginning to bleed into his speech. It was almost as if he was talking directly to him, and he could see the cogs in Brock’s mind whirring as he slowly began to figure that out, but Evan wasn’t quite done just yet.

“You love him more than anything in the world, so much so that getting married and committing an eternity to each other was the obvious decision, one you’d make time and time again if it meant never having to know how much it  _hurt_  to be apart. To choose anything else would only be a mistake, the biggest mistake you could ever make, and I’m glad that you’ll never ever have to feel that regret.” Evan felt another pang in his chest as he spoke, and as he watched the realisation of what he was  _really_  trying to say hit Brock, he could feel that rush of emotions from the hotel lobby swarm him again, and he had to tear his gaze from his surprised expression so that he could breathe again. Knowing that Brock now knew how he still felt about him was giving him the urge to run far away so that he couldn’t be rejected and have his heart broken a second time, but he couldn’t go, not yet, not until he was finished his speech. 

Evan turned back to Tyler, and forced himself to smile fondly at him, not wanting him to know just how much he was dying inside, but both him and Craig were eyeing him suspiciously, and he knew his attempt was a failure. Still, he had to keep up the facade, and persevered in spite of how hard he could feel Brock’s shocked stare boring into him. “Tyler, you’re one of my best friends, and I wish you nothing but happiness, and I’m glad you found it in Craig... even if it did take you almost a year to find the balls to ask him out in the first place,” he teased, and Craig laughed along with the crowd, and Tyler shot him another indignant look, right up until Craig caressed his arm and he melted into a smile again. “I love you, man, and I wish you two all the best.”

Maybe it was just him, but the ending of his speech felt a little rushed, and Evan didn’t get to tell half the stories he had intended to tell when he’d made the revisions that morning, but his heart was twisting painfully in his chest, and he could only pretend to be happy for so long before he imploded in on himself. He needed some fresh air, needed to be alone for a moment and let silence consume him, so he let his speech come to as natural of an end as he could manage, and raised his glass as a toast, taking a sip as the room politely applauded him.

As he set the glass back down on the table, Tyler stood up to pull him into a hug, and Evan needed that little bit of comfort more than he cared to admit. “I love you too, man,” Tyler mumbled to him quietly, clapping him on the back. “But we’re talking about this Brock situation later, and I’m not taking no for an answer,” he added with a firm tone, looking him directly in the eye when he pulled away, showing him that there was no room for argument, and Evan sighed.

“I know,” he conceded, and instead of sitting down when Tyler did, he started walking off towards the door. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he offered as a way of explanation, and when Tyler tried to stop him with a stern call of his name, Evan merely called that he’d back in a few minutes and to carry on without him.

As he pushed open the door to the hotel lobby, he could hear Marcel begin to give his speech, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he was going to miss it because he’d decided to be selfish instead and take a few moments to himself, but he needed this. He needed to be alone for a moment and get away from it all. Without thinking twice about it, Evan walked straight past the bathroom he’d told Tyler he was going to and instead slid open the glass doors leading to the garden that spread out around the back of the hotel.

The rain was still pouring down hard onto the meticulous lawn, but Evan never left the veranda, choosing to stay under the wooden roof where it was dry instead, even if he was more than tempted to step out into the rain and let it soak him to the skin. There was a chill in the air and he could feel the cold even through his suit, and could see his breath every time he exhaled as he leaned against the railing that overlooked the garden. The pitter patter of water droplets battering down onto the roof above him was oddly soothing, and a much welcomed change to the chatter and gossip of the ballroom, a lot of which he was sure was about him.

Out here, it was quiet and he was alone, with nothing but the weather and his thoughts to keep him company, and for the time being, that’s all he wanted. He needed to take this step away from the wedding to build himself back up again after his talk with Marcel, and after the speech in which he had accidentally confessed everything to Brock, admissions he certainly hadn’t intended to blurt out to him just yet, if at all. He was feeling so vulnerable, as if he had just placed the entirety of his heart on display for the whole wedding reception to see, and he needed to take some time to himself to bottle up all of those escaped emotions once again before he ruined another part of Tyler and Craig’s night.

Evan was hunched over the railing with his head bowed and eyes shut when he heard the door behind him slide open, and he heaved a sigh. “Tyler, go back inside. You don’t need to miss your own wedding reception for my sake…” he muttered, unable to bring himself to feign happiness for him any longer, not when his heart was still aching, but he needn’t worry as Tyler wasn’t the one who had come to check up on him.

“Sorry, I’m not Tyler…” Brock’s voice was shy and nervous, and he could hear the timid smile in his voice as he slid the door shut behind him, and Evan’s entire body tensed. He hadn’t heard his voice since they had broken up, and it caught him off guard to hear it now, especially considering he never would have expected him to follow him out here, and he had to take a deep breath to calm his sudden rapidly beating heart. “I mean, I’m sure Tyler would have chased you down if he was able to, but he’s kinda busy right now, and… and I think we might need to have a talk...”

Evan heaved a sigh and nodded slowly, knowing he was right, but that didn’t mean he was in any way ready to have this conversation. He watched with a heavy heart as Brock approached the railing he was leaning against and gently gripped it with one soft hand, shifting on his feet nervously as he struggled to find the words he wanted to say. Even though he didn’t know how Brock felt about everything he had said during his speech, he could still hazard a guess as to what he wanted to tell him, and he was dreading being rejected again. Marcel’s words from earlier rang in his head, but as he watched Brock stare down at his feet and dutifully avoid eye contact, Evan wasn’t sure he believed that Brock still returned his feelings, and was now fearing the worst.

Every second that passed where Brock didn’t say anything, was a second Evan spent worrying, and his heart was beating so loud that he could barely hear the rainfall over it. He found himself quickly getting to the point where he couldn’t stand the silence any longer, and had to say something to break it.

“I love you,” he blurted out without even thinking about it, and was already regretting it before he could get all of the words out.

Brock’s head snapped up and his breath hitched when he found himself staring into those pretty eyes of his once again, and he was suddenly finding it hard to breathe. He wanted to back up, to run away again to preserve what was left of his shattered heart, but there was no escaping this time. He had to stand his ground and confess to Brock exactly how he felt, even if it meant opening himself up to heartache again.

“Brock… I still love you,” Evan confessed again, voice quiet and small, and he hadn’t felt this vulnerable since he first asked him out all of those years ago. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get over you, and I’m sorry you had to find out how I felt from that disaster of a speech. I still love you, and I can’t stop thinking about you, and I hate that we’re not together any more. I think I’ve driven Tyler up the wall with all my hopeless pining,” he chuckled nervously. “I just miss you  _so fucking much_ , and I hate myself for letting it end this way. Just… I love you so damn much it  _hurts_ , and I never should have let you go. We were so good together, and you were perfect for me, and God why did I ever let it end?” he whined, and buried his face into his palms.

The pain in his chest was becoming intolerable, and Evan could only take short quick breaths because of it. He refused to look up at Brock to see how he was reacting to all of that, as he knew it would only hurt him more, and he was already feeling so pathetic that he didn’t want to say or do anything that would make him feel worse. Brock’s shoes scuffed against the veranda as he shuffled closer to him, close enough that he could feel his presence next to him, but not close enough that they were touching.

“You told me you didn’t want to marry me…” Brock pointed out softly and sadly, and it occurred to him that maybe Brock was hurting just as much as he was, and it was all his fault.

“No! I mean…” Evan sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know what I wanted. I just-... I was scared…” he admitted, gulping. “You were talking about being together forever and I panicked… I wasn’t ready to make that kind of commitment, and hearing you talk about marriage and kids just  _scared_  me. I thought I didn’t want that, and maybe I didn’t at the time, and I don’t fucking know any more. All I know is that while I watching Mini and Tyler get married, all I could think about was  _you_ … I could picture us standing at that same altar so easily, and it kills me to know that that  _could_  have been us, but it can’t be, because I fucked up… I may not have wanted to get married back then, but I think I do now, and I can’t imagine being married to anyone else but you.”

When he looked back up at Brock, he found that he was staring at him surprised and hurt, mouth slightly agape, and Evan wanted nothing more than to hold him close. But even though they were standing mere feet apart, Brock still felt so far out of reach, and instead he clenched his fists tightly shut. Evan felt like he’d opened his heart to the world, and felt like he was holding it out in front of him as if inviting Brock to take it and cut it open or throw it away. His heart had always belonged to Brock to do with as he pleased, and that still hadn’t changed, even long after they had broken up.

“Brock, I love you, so  _damn much_ , and I want to be with you… I… I want to be your boyfriend again, and I really hope that you’d be willing to take me back…” Evan added, full of hope and feeling as vulnerable as ever, and he chanced a small step closer to him. He realised that maybe it was unfair of him to dump all of his feelings on him like this, but he found that once he opened the floodgates he couldn’t stop.

Brock still seemed torn about everything he had told him, but he didn’t move away when Evan inched closer to him, and he took that as a good sign. Brock glanced away, thinking intently about something or other, mulling everything over, and Evan could only wait for him to come to a decision with bated breath. He wanted to say something else, something that might help win him over, but he had already said his piece and now it was Brock’s turn to have a say, whether it would make him or break him.

A moment passed, and Brock turned back to him with a frown and a pained look in his eye, and Evan could already feel his heart drop before he even opened his mouth. “How… how much have you had to drink tonight?” Brock asked in a voice so quiet it was almost a whisper, and Evan felt a rush of panic run through him as he realised what Brock was thinking.

“I’m not drunk!” he clarified quickly. “I mean… I have drank almost an entire bottle of champagne by myself, but I’m not drunk! I  _swear_ to you I’m not drunk, and I mean every word, Brock  _I promise_.” He takes another step closer, but this time Brock stumbles back, and he’s not sure what compels him to reach out towards him, but he lightly grips his wrist, almost as if he was afraid Brock was going to leave him again.

Brock’s eyes were watering, and Evan could feel his beginning to sting too, and he took a sharp deep breath. “How… How do I know you mean all of that, when you’ve been drinking?” Brock asked, looking at him somberly. “How do I know you won’t change your mind about all of that when you sober up in the morning and we have to break up again? I can’t go through that a second time, Evan...”

“I can’t either… but  _fuck_ , I really do love you. I’ve never  _stopped_  loving you, and that doesn’t change no matter how much alcohol I have in my system, and believe me I’ve tested it…” he admitted, wincing a little at the memory of how much hard liquor he’d downed on his bad days. “I really do want to marry you, and I’m not saying that we have to get engaged right away, but at some point I’d like to be, and I swear that’s not the champagne talking. I came to that realisation long before I got a glass in my hand and just… Brock, I love you,” he looked deep into his eyes. “ _I love you._ ”

Brock holds eye contact with for a moment, before he breaks it and looks away, gently tugging his wrist out of Evan’s grip and taking a step back. “I… I think I need to think about this…” he says softly, staring down at his feet.

“That’s okay! You don’t have to make a decision just yet. I can wait,” Evan tells him and forces a smile in an attempt to reassure him in spite of how much he was hurting himself. “I understand. Just… just let me know what you want, okay? You know what I want, so it’s entirely up to you.” Another ‘I love you’ was on the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t want to pressure Brock into dating him again, so he swallowed it back down.

But he wanted this, he so desperately wanted this. Evan wanted nothing more than to tug him into a tight hug and hold him close, to give him the moon and the stars and everything that he should have given him a long time ago. His fingers twitched as his arms hung loosely by his side, itching to reach out and touch him again, but after Brock had pulled away a moment before, he wasn’t sure gently caressing him would be as well received as he’d like.

After a moment, Brock looks up at him again with an expression that he couldn’t read, and Evan desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. He watched as Brock examined every inch of his face, eyes trailing over the length of his body as he mulled something over, gaze settling on his lips for a split second, before he sighed and looked away. “Please don’t make me regret this in the morning,” he muttered, and Evan barely had a moment to process his words before Brock tugged on his waist and kissed him.

Brock was nervous. Evan had kissed him enough times in the past to tell. He was worried about how he would react, worried he was making a mistake, and it wasn’t until Evan had laid a gentle hand on the small of his back to pull him closer did he relax. Evan’s free hand lightly gripped the back of his neck, and as he kissed him back, he noted that Brock tasted sweetly of champagne and chocolate, and that kissing him was the equivalent of coming home after a long trip away. The chill in the air caused them to crave each other’s body heat all that much more, and Brock gently tugged on his suit jacket until they were flush together, tilting his head to deepen the kiss, and humming quietly in contentment as the rain pelted down around them.

He missed this, missed  _him_  so much,  and now that he had him back, he was reluctant to ever let him go out of fear of losing him again.

They didn’t pull away until moments later when they were both out of breath, and gasping and panting for air, but they didn’t move far and stayed close enough that their chests and foreheads were still pressed together. Their breaths were visible in the cold and they mixed in the air between them, not that Evan paid them much attention as he was much too busy taking in Brock’s flushed cheeks and bright eyes, the small smile that tugged at his lips meaning more to him than words could ever describe. His heart had swelled to the point that it felt like it was going to burst, and his cheeks hurt from the wide grin that he couldn’t wipe off his face even if he wanted to, and it took all of his willpower not to push him back against a pillar and kiss him again.

“So…” Evan began , lightly bumping his shoulder as he trailed his hands down to the small of Brock’s back, lips brushing against his as he spoke. “Does this mean you’re willing to take me back?” he asked, hopeful, and part of him felt he was pushing his luck by asking at all, but he didn’t want to return to the reception without knowing what that kiss meant for them. They had been in that position already, long before they had started dating but after they had made out under the mistletoe on Marcel’s porch, and he never wanted to fall into that ‘what-are-we’ limbo ever again.

Brock thought about it for a moment, lightly biting his lip as he weighed his options, and those few seconds seemed to last an eternity as Evan waited for him to come to a decision. He was tempted to close the gap between them and kiss him again as if that would help him choose, but he’d already received one kiss from his lost love and he didn’t want to risk losing him again if he tried to steal another.

“I want to...” Brock admitted softly, and even though Evan could feel that ‘but’ coming, his heart all but leaped out of his chest in excitement regardless. “But… but I’m worried you’re only saying these things because you’re tipsy, and got caught up in all of the excitement of the wedding. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow morning to find you’ve changed your mind back and we have to break again…”

His sad tone broke his heart and Evan hated that he was the one who was causing him distress, and was quick to cup and caress his cheek to comfort him. “You won’t have to, because I’m not going to change my mind again,” he said firmly, thumb lightly trailing over his warm skin. “I love you. I’ve always loved you, and have never stopped loving you. Even when we broke up, I  _still loved you_ , and that will never change. I’m not just saying that because I had a little too much champagne; I’m saying that because it’s the honest  _truth_. I want to be with you, and only you, for as long as I shall live, and I  _hate_  that it took you breaking up with me, and showing me what a life without you was like for me to figure that out… Spoiler: it sucks. It really fucking sucks,” he chuckled darkly. “It was always you, Brock. I was always meant to be with you. You can ask me that again tomorrow when I’ve sobered up if you like, or you can ask me next week, next month, whenever. It doesn’t matter because my opinion will always be the same. I love you, and I want to be with you, if you’ll have me?” he gulped.

This time, Brock’s reaction was immediate, and Evan could practically see the rush of emotions that swarmed him in the change of his expression in the split second that it took for him to kiss him again. Somehow this kiss felt twice as passionate and meaningful as the last, and Evan tightly wrapped his arms around to pull him even closer. The kiss was short lived however, as Brock pulled away for a moment to mutter that he still loved him too against his lips, an admission that had Evan pressing his lips hard against his again.

He had already known that Brock had feelings for him because of Marcel, but it meant so much more to hear it from Brock himself, and his head and his heart were soaring far above the clouds. Evan hadn’t felt this happy since he had first confessed his feelings to Brock all that time ago, and the sincere elation he was feeling now almost made all those weeks of heartbreak worth it. Evan never wanted to go through that again and hoped he would never have to, but all of that suffering only made their tender reunion kiss all that sweeter, and Evan would give up his entire world if that’s what it took to get Brock to kiss him like this again.

“Is that a yes?” Evan asked, when they parted a moment later, and Brock could only giggle fondly at the ridiculous goofy grin on his face.

“It’s a hesitant ‘yes’,” he confirmed, and somehow Evan managed to grin even wider as he tugged him into a tight hug, over the moon. “I’m still a little worried you’ll change your mind, but… but I’ve been wishing you’d say that to me since we broke up, and I don’t want to lose you again…” he bit his lip.

“I don’t want to lose you again either, but I won’t change my mind again. I’m in this for the long haul,” Evan said, smiling into Brock’s skin as he buried his face into his neck, breathing in his familiar homely scent as he squeezed him tighter.

“You promise?” Brock muttered, his hands trailing up Evan’s back as he wound his arms around him.

“I promise,” Evan confirmed, pulling away just a little to shoot Brock an honest smile, before leaning in and gently kissing him again, feeling happier than he’d felt in a long time.

He had Brock back in his arms, and he’d be damned if he let anything split them up again.

**Author's Note:**

> ♪For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you~♪


End file.
